Moment 8 & 9

It was her voice.
She knew it was even though it sounded nothing like her.
It was like a wiser, calmer her.
A her with clearity.
With a voice that had evolved beyond needing a physical place of origin.
It was softly shooting towards her in bursts only to fade and reappear from another direction.
And her voice was saying.
.
Stop.
Find it.
The spot where it hurts.
Where the pain is so unbearable it feels like bugs under your skin eating on your nerves.
Stay.
Stay there.
Don't run.
Learn to love it.
Love the pain and you'll want it there.
Love the pain and it can't hurt you anymore.
Love it and you'll love every second of your life.
.
And so she did.
Because the voice that said it was a calm happy voice with clearity, in the middle of a neverending sea of consuming chaos.
It was a voice of someone who knew what she was talking about.
Who had seen what she was talking about.
.
And so she stayed.
She learned how to float in chaos and misery.
She mastered it and came to love it.
It was her home, where nothing could hurt her.
.
Never learned how to swim though.
.
And now she has to.